phatDonna

The EX has Betsy all weekend, so I’m free of most responsibility this weekend. Today was spent very lazily. I read, I napped. The TV remained off so no Yo Gabba Gabba or Olivia has invaded my psyche or given me any earworms.

And despite my headache today, thanks to the changing weather (seriously, does anyone else get these horrific headaches when the weather changes? It’s like the air pressure is squeezing my head in a vise!) I realize that this weekend will be exactly what I need. Quiet alone time today, tonight and tomorrow filled with talking, laughing, eating and drinking, and also a trip to the movies to see Going the Distance, and then Betsy comes home on Sunday.

School starts for Betsy on Tuesday, and this will be the first time she goes five days week, so I’m a little nervous about how she’ll do, but I think she can handle it. The question is – can I handle it? Five days a week of cranky morning Betsy, making a lunch and rushing her out the door? I hope we both survive the first week.

I hope you all out there have a fun and/or relaxing long weekend. Eat, drink and be merry!

I’ve been feeling very sad lately and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why that is. It dawned on me today.

The EX’s brother is getting married this weekend. A huge family event. An event I was really excited about back when they got engaged. Betsy is going to be a flower girl. And I won’t be there for it. I’ve been ejected from that part of my family.  I won’t even get to be there to see my daughter dressed up in her fancy dress, refusing to walk down the aisle, throwing her flowers around and enjoying being the center of attention on the dance floor as she rides the wave of a great wedding cake sugar high.

The other thing is that the EX’s birthday is this week. I still can’t get used to him not being part of me. I feel like there is something I need to be doing – shopping for gifts, planning dinner, the whole birthday works. But I don’t have any of those things to do. I suppose I should at least set Betsy down with some crayons to color him a card or something but… meh. I suppose I will because it’s the right thing to do.

So that’s where the sadness is coming from. It’s there. It’ll pass in a few days. I’m thankfully not going to be alone this weekend. It’ll be nice to have the distraction of an old friend here to do fun girly things with. Drinks, dinners out, chatting, planning our trip to Europe. Yes, those are the things that will get me through this weekend.

A while ago, I posted about how much fun my new obsession – SweepsU is.

I am still enjoying it daily, entering contests and sweepstakes to my heart’s content. I have my eye on one particular prize that allows multiple entries and I am entering the shit out of that contest. If When I win, I’ll send you all a postcard!

But the wonderful folks at SweepsU have offered up a contest so all of you can try it too! They are generously offering up two (2) free three-month memberships to the site. How awesome is that?

All you have to do is go to  SweepsU.com , and sign up for the 7 day free trial. It’s super easy and there is no credit card required to sign up for the trial. So go sign up, and then come back here and leave me a comment with your SweepsU username. (They’ll need that to know who to upgrade the membership for.) I’ll be picking two numbers at random.

The contest will be open until Tuesday, August 31 at 11:59 p.m. Central time.

What are you waiting for? Go sign up and come back and leave a comment!

Well, right after I posted my last post, things changed on the kitty situation. The cat I was going to pick up in Dallas suddenly got a more local home. Which was fine, really, except for the fact that I had JUST ten minutes before I got the email about that, I had told Betsy that she was getting a kitty and that we were going to Dallas to see Grandma and Grandpa and to get the kitty. I mean, I had the suitcases out and ready to pack. Shit.

But I was really disappointed too. I had gotten very excited about the idea of a kitten in the house. So I talked to Betsy and explained that we couldn’t get the kitty we were going to get but we could go to the shelter to pick out a new one. She was very insistent that she wanted to go “tomorrow!” I explained that we could do that, but that meant that we couldn’t go see Grandma and Grandpa. Or we could go see Grandma and Grandpa and get the kitty when we came home. No, she wanted kitty now!

So Monday we had a lazy morning, went out and grabbed lunch together and went to the Austin Humane Society when they opened at noon. It was so terribly sad because there were SO. MANY. CATS.  Tons of kittens but also older sweet cats. In my heart, I would have loved to get an older cat, but I knew that the odds of that working out well with a three year old in the house were not good. It wouldn’t be fair to do to an older cat or to Betsy. But how do you go about choosing one adorable kitten out of a hundred adorable kittens? Betsy had really been going back to this one kennel that housed two kittens. I figured that was as good a place as any to start. They brought us into a room and the cat in a carrier. We opened the door to the carrier and the kitty slowly poked her head out. Betsy was quite exuberant and wanted to hug and kiss and just be in the cat’s space. And that kitty didn’t seem to mind one bit. We spent about 20 minutes with her, and she came out of the carrier, climbed right into my lap and started purring. I just knew she was the one. The shelter had named her Gracie, and I decided to keep it. It suits her, and it solves the problem of having to argue with Betsy about why we can’t name the cat Strawberry. She just accepted that the cat’s name is Gracie.

We brought her home with no drama. I knew Bowser would be fine. We used to have two cats and he never once paid either of them any attention.  But I had no idea how Gracie would react to this big dog. She just went with it. He sniffed her and walked away. She didn’t seem concerned at all. She just started exploring the house and getting into trouble. She hissed at him one time, when she was in my lap, and he walked by and his tail hit her in the head. But that is the only time I’ve heard her hiss.

Betsy has been a bit rough with her, but not intentionally. She just really loves Gracie, and wants to pick her up and snuggle her. I feel like I’m constantly scolding her, but I want to make sure that she doesn’t scare Gracie too much, or else Gracie will grow up and avoid Betsy like the plague. So far the message is not getting through, but I figure if it bothered Gracie too much, she’d just go hide under a bed, and so far she hasn’t done that.

We took her to the vet yesterday for a check up. Since Gracie is already six months old, she was spayed and given her vaccines at the shelter, so that was a cost I didn’t have to incur. But a check up with a vet you trust is always a good idea. Turns out that the poor thing’s spay incision is infected. So they put her in a cone. Or the Cone of Shame, if you’ve seen Up.

That’s not her but it is a funny picture.

The cone lasted about eight hours. The poor thing couldn’t eat, and she couldn’t fit into her litter box. So it had to go. But she doesn’t seem to be licking and she is on oral antibiotics, so I hope that will be enough. She also got treated for ear mites. Nothing serious, and all things you’d expect from a shelter cat. So far she hasn’t shown signs of an upper respiratory infection but if she has one brewing, I’m pretty sure her antibiotics will clear it up.

I had forgotten how fun and annoying having a kitten is. Everything is a toy! She loves to lay on or walk across my laptop, and of course cords are fascinating. But she’s a lovebug and it’s really sweet to have her cuddle up with me. I’m really happy we got her. Keeping up with her and keeping her from killing me is tough now, but she’ll grow out of that bit. I hope she stays this affectionate. I really want a lap cat.

I never used to be a cat person. My mom always said she was allergic to them (which, sorry Mom, I think now that you were just saying that because you don’t like them) so I never had one growing up. We were a dog family when we had pets. And I am a devoted dog lover. I can’t imagine ever living without a dog.

When I met the EX, he was more of a cat person. Actually he used to be pretty afraid of dogs, because of a very bad bite he had gotten as a child, but for my sake, he developed a tolerance for the dog I had already, and even indulged me when I wanted to get a second dog. But he did turn me into a cat liker. I won’t say cat lover, at least not at first. Together we had three cats in our time together. Two of them died, and one of them had to be surrendered soon after Betsy was born because he was very jealous and I didn’t trust him around her.

Our last cat, Kiri, had to be put down almost two years ago. Her kidneys were failing, and one of the ways we discovered a problem with her was that she used our formal dining room as a litter box. While it broke my heart to have her put down, because as bitchy as that cat was, she was ours and we loved her. But I swore I’d never have another cat over and over as I tried to rid my living room of the smell of cat pee.

Now, I’ve never smelled a decomposing body, but I’d venture to guess that that’s the only thing in the world that smells worse than cat pee.

Finally as we were listing our house for sale, we had to replace the dining room carpet because the cat pee had soaked the carpet, the pad and had gotten to the slab. It took away much of my sadness as I wrote a check for new carpet for a house we were selling. Also, remembering all the things she (and the other cat) had destroyed by scratching made me certain that I would remain a dog lover and one who admires cats from afar.

Lately, though, I’ve been feeling the urge for a kitty. A little purring lump next to me on the couch or in bed just sounds really appealing. My biggest concern was the litter box, as my dumb dog Bowser really enjoys snacking from the litter box, which is the most disgusting habit a dog can have. Trust me when I say that we tried every option we could think of in the old house to keep him out, but finally had to install a cat door into the garage, and put the litter boxes out there. But I did a bit of research and found an option that I think will work now.

Still, I was on the fence about whether to do it or not. Taking on another animal to feed and care for, who will require trips to the vet was a bit daunting. Then a homeless kitty that needs a home sort of fell into my lap, so I took it as a sign. And tomorrow Betsy and I are headed to Dallas to visit my parents for a couple days and then to pick up the kitty and head home.

Betsy wants to name him Strawberry. She refuses to believe the cat is male, so I’ll have to convince her that he needs a more manly name than Strawberry. Does it really matter what the cat’s name is anyway? It’s not like they come when they’re called.

I was just thinking about all the bitching I do about my kid and how tough motherhood is. I sound like an ungrateful bitch. Yes, being the mother of a three and half year old IS hard, and yes, I think my kid has spectacular moments off jackassery. But you know what? She’s an awesome kid.

She is so damn smart, and not just book smart – she’s emotionally smart too. She is so intuitive and sensitive to the feelings of others. I once watched her get hit in the head by a classmate, and then run over to console that same kid who was crying over having gotten in trouble for hitting her.

She is also hilariously funny. She loves to tell jokes, which quite honestly aren’t all that funny but the gusto and delight with which she tells them are funny and you have to laugh at the same knock knock joke every time. And she loves to play  jokes on people, which again aren’t terribly funny or even effective but you have to applaud her effort. She also really loves it when you play a joke on her.

The best thing about her is how sweet she is. She may have the normal three year old behavior issues, and she may not choose to listen to a damn word I say, but she is a very sweet natured kid. Last night she slept in bed with me, since my mom was in town and was sleeping in Betsy’s bed. When I scooped Betsy up out of her bed and moved her to mine, she looked up at me sleepily, put her hand on my cheek and said, “I love you, Mommy.” Her first sleep hazed thought upon seeing me was how much she loves me.

And even though I tell her all the time how much I love her and how awesome she is, and how proud of her I am, I don’t share it with the world enough. So please know that if you read my Tweets about her jackassery, or see on Facebook how I’m looking for gypsies who sill buy children, that is just a moment of frustration.

Betsy has my whole heart and I am proud to be her mother.

Except when she’s throwing epic tantrums in the store. Then I park her by the beer and wine and pretend I don’t know her.

I am all about the personal space. I hate it when I feel someone in a line is crowding me – I have been known to make myself as big as possible by standing with my feet wide apart, and my swinging my bag backward swiftly, so anyone too close will get a whack. I used that trick on the New York subway with my first kate spade handbag, as it was square and had really good corners for swatting off space crowders.

Even in my personal life, I like my space. I am not a cuddly sleeper. Well, of course I’m not anymore, now that I sleep alone. But when I was married, I didn’t enjoy the all-night spooning that the EX seemed to want to do all the time. I like a few minutes of cuddle time, and then I want to sleep unencumbered. That doesn’t mean I don’t like to be hugged or touched.

Lately though, Betsy has taken to hurling herself at me, and wanting to sit with just about every inch of her pressed up against some part of me. And I want to be accommodating to this, I really do. But on days like today, when she woke me up at 5:30 and has been talking nonstop since then, and I have PMS to be perfectly candid, and I’ve had to pick up the same damn toys over and over and over again, I just don’t want to cuddle.

I am trying to do it anyway, because I don’t want her to feel like I’m rejecting her. And I know that one day she won’t want to cuddle anymore, and I’ll be missing these days. Don’t get me wrong, we do cuddle plenty and it’s perfectly wonderful and heart warming. Sometimes, though, it’s just too much. And I feel horribly guilty for not being able to just drop my own issues and give her what she clearly wants in those moments.

My dear friend Erica is hosting a contest on her review blog. Go on over to Made of Awesome and enter to win some really awesome Dinosaur Train stuff. If you have a kid who is into dinosaurs, I’m sure you’ve seen this really cool show on PBS Kids. Betsy loves it. I often hear her calling out in her room, “La La Loooooo!” I’m not sure what that phrase has to do with dinosaurs, but one of the characters on the show says it all the time.

As an aside, WTF is up with that image? A dinosaur digging for dinosaur bones? That seems a bit odd. But it made me laugh and so that’s the one I chose.

Have I mentioned that I am a bookworm? I think this just runs in my family. Growing up, I never saw either of my parents without a book to read, and I honestly can’t remember a time in my life since second grade when I also didn’t have a book to read. Since having a child, my reading time has been severely limited, and it now takes me much longer to finish a book, but no matter what, I always have to read, even if just for a few minutes, before going to bed.

Since I know I’m always looking for new books to read, I thought I’d share what I’ve been reading this summer. I always love to read posts about what others are reading.

Furious Love – a story about the stormy relationship between Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. Every so often I need brain candy, and this fits the bill. Part biography and part sleazy gossip rag, it’s a great read so far.

Her Fearful Symmetry – by the author of The Time Traveler’s Wife. I think this was a pretty good book. I like the way the author treats the idea of ghosts, just like she did time travel. It just is, but that’s not really what the story is about. I was intrigued from page one.

The Life of Elizabeth I – another of my nerdy interests, Tudor England. Every year or so I like to read a biography with weight. This one took me ages to get through but it was good. A lot of biographies of this time period are so dry that it’s impossible to get through them, for me anyway. But this one was actually written in a very readable way.

Cut, Paste, Kill – The fourth Lomax & Biggs mystery, it certainly didn’t disappoint. I read it in one day – on my flight to BlogHer. I’m sure my seat mate on the plane thought I was insane because I was laughing out loud at the one liners. As usual. I will eagerly await the fifth in the series.

Shanghai Girls – Interesting and heartbreaking at the same time. Contains lots of information about the effects of WWII on China and the US, interwoven with a great story of sisters who survive by relying on each other.

I’ve read more stuff this summer but those are the stand outs. Of course I also read The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest, but either you love those books or you hate them so I won’t bother talking about it. I happen to love them.

So come on, what are you reading?

Betsy is with the EX for the weekend. I spent today lying around, cleaning and just enjoying the silent company of my dog.

But around 4:30 or so, I started to get antsy. I wanted to go OUT. Must have been withdrawal from the excitement of last weekend in New York. I decided to take myself out to dinner – something I have never done before.

I don’t mind doing things alone. Going to movies alone is one of my favorite things to do when Betsy is not with me. I used to do that even before the divorce. I can see whatever I want to see without having to worry what the other person thinks. I can sit where I want in the theater without someone’s opinion of where the optimum seating is, and I can eat everything or nothing as I choose.  When I was working, I would even go to lunch alone sometimes. But I have never gone to dinner all alone. Even when I would travel for work, at dinner time, I would either order room service or get something to go and bring it back to the hotel to eat.

So tonight I decided to just do it. I dried my hair, straightened it, put on makeup and a dress, and took myself out to dinner. I sat in the bar, positioned where I could see the comings and goings of other people, or I could feign interest in the golf on TV if I needed to. My waiter was attentive and adorable, flirting with me a little more with every stop at the table, although I realize it was only to increase his tip. It worked. I had a martini (with which I silently toasted Rougie as she celebrates her birthday tonight) and a salad, then dinner, and finally dessert and cappuccino. I didn’t rush, I  savored my meal and my coffee. I enjoyed myself.

Sure, it would have been more fun to have someone with me to chat and laugh with. But I still had fun and a nice meal that I didn’t eat in front of the TV, and one I didn’t have to clean up.

Add that to my list of things I never thought I could do but I did.