Acknowledged
Posted by donna under Blather | Permalink | | Leave A Comment | 6 Comments
I’ve been feeling very sad lately and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why that is. It dawned on me today.
The EX’s brother is getting married this weekend. A huge family event. An event I was really excited about back when they got engaged. Betsy is going to be a flower girl. And I won’t be there for it. I’ve been ejected from that part of my family. I won’t even get to be there to see my daughter dressed up in her fancy dress, refusing to walk down the aisle, throwing her flowers around and enjoying being the center of attention on the dance floor as she rides the wave of a great wedding cake sugar high.
The other thing is that the EX’s birthday is this week. I still can’t get used to him not being part of me. I feel like there is something I need to be doing – shopping for gifts, planning dinner, the whole birthday works. But I don’t have any of those things to do. I suppose I should at least set Betsy down with some crayons to color him a card or something but… meh. I suppose I will because it’s the right thing to do.
So that’s where the sadness is coming from. It’s there. It’ll pass in a few days. I’m thankfully not going to be alone this weekend. It’ll be nice to have the distraction of an old friend here to do fun girly things with. Drinks, dinners out, chatting, planning our trip to Europe. Yes, those are the things that will get me through this weekend.
10:02 am, 31 August 2010
Dude. It sucks that you don’t get to see Betsy in her all her flower girl glory. I’m sorry.
It’s awesome that you’re able to identify what’s going on and deal with it. So many times I’m out of sorts and have no idea why. I only realize it later, after the mood it gone.
Europe is coming soon! I’m alternately SUPER excited for you and SUPER jealous. What a once in a life time trip to get to take with your wonderful friend.
4:53 pm, 31 August 2010
I know it’s not for me to get upset about, but it really is upsetting to me that the mother of the flower girl isn’t “allowed” at the wedding. You and BEX didn’t break up b/c you were a crack head or b/c you were cheating on him. But. Maybe you are fine with that, but personally, I think that’s pretty shitty.
I’m going to have a drink, too, in your honor.
2:56 pm, 1 September 2010
Sorry its so hard. The reality, at least for me, is that the whole separation and divorce thing is a bit like surfing. There are these great sets that are easy and fun to ride and then are a lot crappy waves and some serious wipeouts. Sometimes, you just get stuck in the maytag zone and its all you can do gasp a breath of air as you are pulled back under for more pummeling. And yet, there is the promise of that ultimate ride- sunsetting, perfect waves, etc.
I know, dudettte- I am so Californian its silly. Han in there
4:29 pm, 1 September 2010
Sorry that you are feeling down. (Think EUROPE!) Can B at least do one of those “trash the dress” pictures when it is all over?
7:58 pm, 2 September 2010
What’s that kid’s story about going on a bear hunt? I used to read it to a group of kids in previous lifetime and one day it dawned on me what is was really saying: You can’t go over it! You can’t go under it! You have to go through it.
It sucks, but acknowledging beats not.
Hugs from someone who loves you!
2:03 pm, 8 September 2010
my birthday was a few days before you posted this, and it was my first single-gal birthday in eight years. it was very odd to me– not really depressing, just strange and new and unusual– to not really have anyone acknowledging my birthday in a romantic kind of way. and I wonder how it will feel when my ex’s bday rolls around in November.
the bright side is you don’t have to be there for B’s Great Wedding-Cake-Sugar-Crash of 2010.