phatDonna

{I keep having these little mini-posts popping around in my head like popcorn and I feel like if I don’t just put them down on “paper” they will continue to plague me.}

I promise to not talk about my vagina or bikini waxes for at least a day or two. (No, I don’t have my fingers crossed behind my back.)

I took Bridget to see Cars 2 on Monday. It was terrible, as you might have heard. Well, it was terrible if you don’t happen to find Larry the Cable Guy funny. Which I don’t. Bridget didn’t even really like it much, and this is the kid who is in love with Kung Fu Panda 2. I have seriously seen so many crap movies lately between kid movies and Green Lantern, I think I might be afraid to step back into the theater.

Private school process is moving along. The EX and I had our parental interview last week, and the director liked us, I think. Bridget’s assessment went fine (we saw the results) and I was relieved to hear they were not thinking of putting her in kindergarten next year. I don’t think we’ll get the pre-K spot for the fall just because there are two other kids in front of her whose parents applied earlier, which gives them priority. They’d both have to choke in order for Bridget to get in. I’m fine with her holding off until kindergarten. The only downside is that she loses a year of that Spanish immersion. But she’ll catch up, I know.

Speaking of Bridget, she and I have been having way too much together time lately. Between her summer child care not working out as I had hoped, and two weekends in a row of me having her (she spends most of her weekends with The EX right now) we are on each other’s last nerve. It’s making me a very bad mom. Tonight I made her cry by threatening to take her bed away if she didn’t stop jumping on it. (I really don’t know why that would make her cry though because about 40% of the time when I go to check on her before I go to bed, I find her asleep on the floor.)

Lately I’ve been hit with the baby bug. This is sad and ridiculous for so many reasons. I loved being pregnant, I loved the birth experience I had with Bridget and she was a great baby. I keep coming across baby pictures of Bridget and seeing and holding and smelling babies, and it makes my uterus skip a beat. Thankfully I can also look back at incidents like the aforementioned jumping on the bed kerfuffle and it knocks that shit right out.

No really, this isn’t for me. I’m a virgin, obviously.

It’s been a while since I talked about my bikini area. In fact, it was two blogs ago. You’re totally welcome.

Listen y’all. I’m Italian. I am just not as naturally hair free as I would like to be. Shaving is not a good option for me for various reasons. I don’t like waxing – it hurts like motherfucking hell. I won’t lie. But it’s the best of the options available to me. I am not here to preach to you about which hair removal method is best for you.

There is some waxing you have to do just to be able to wear a swimsuit in public. But if you are going to go through all that trouble, you might as well do the whole shebang right? However, I don’t know what’s fashionable in vaginas anymore. For so long, I waxed in a way that was the preference of one particular person. Now the world is my clam. Ha! Get it? Ah man, vagina jokes never get old, do they?

So yeah, I can do anything with the landscaping that I want, but I seem to have no real preference when it comes to aesthetics. And I guess it’s not really important right now – no one is looking anymore. But one day, someone might be. So how does that work? If you don’t landscape enough for his (or her) preference they won’t want to hook up again. But if you’ve landscaped too much and they don’t like it, do you just say “Hang on. Let’s get together again in about four weeks and it’ll be all good?” Or is it something you negotiate a few months in?

Or is it more like “You are just lucky to see me naked. Beggars can’t be choosers, stupid.”

Ideas? My vagina, er, I mean, my friend’s vagina needs to know.

I just joined a single parents’ Meetup group. I’m simultaneously nauseous and excited about this.

Nauseous because I have this feeling that it’s probably one reasonably attractive single dad and a gaggle of desperate women trying to hook up with him while he is either endearingly oblivious to this, or using the group to add notches to his bedpost. I have a vague memory of a friend growing up whose parents were divorced. Her mom belonged to a single parents’ group of some sort, and I remember there being one smarmy man around the house after another. So now when I think of single parents’ groups I just think “pathetic desperate people trying to hook up with each other.” Which is not fair at all because the same could also be said for any online dating site.

I’m excited about it because I want to meet other single moms. I need to create a life for myself here in Austin, as I’ve mentioned before. And I love my friends that live here, but my life is just so different from theirs, and my weekend and free time is different from theirs. It would be good to have a friend in the same boat as I’m in, who is also kid-free when I am kid-free. I need something that doesn’t make my weekend time, the time when I’m without Bridget, stretch out depressingly before me.

Who knows how it will go?  The first event I’ll be attending is a meetup at a local pizza place with kids’ play area. It sounds nightmarish but I have to start somewhere.

I feel like I traded in my very last Cool Card ages ago so I can’t really do any more harm to my reputation by writing this post.

But I do want to preface this by saying that I am NOT a Taylor Swift fan. I don’t like the sound of her voice or the songs she sings. However, this video was sort of thrust upon me by a work situation, and even though I had the sound off, it caught my eye after about the billionth time I saw it (more specifically her dresses caught my eye), so one day I turned up the sound just to see. I’m putting it in this post, but I really don’t blame you if you don’t want to watch or listen.

The reason why I felt like sharing it is that I admire Taylor Swift for doing this song and making this video for it. We all hear a lot about bullying and mean girls these days, and there seems like precious little that can be done about it as parents. I mean, I preach to Bridget about being kind to others and the Golden Rule, but eventually I know parents’ and teachers’ voices turn into droning like the teacher in Charlie Brown cartoons.  But Taylor Swift is an icon for tween and teen girls, and for her to be calling out the bullies and mean girls I think goes a long way to getting the point across. I love even more that her video includes gay teens.

So Taylor, while I am not a fan, you have earned my respect for using your fame and influence to send a very positive message. If Bridget decides she likes you, I may cringe and roll my eyes, but I will appreciate you for being a good role model.