phatDonna

I have a new car! I’m very excited about it. As sad as I was to give up my Explorer (aka Mommy Assault Vehicle) I needed something that got better gas mileage.  I am driving a ton more now that Bridget is in her new school and getting 17 MPG is just not cutting it. I was nervous to go into a dealership by myself and not get taken advantage of. But I did my homework and although I was disappointed somewhat in the offer for my trade in, the deal was ultimately acceptable to me. I’ve had the car a week tomorrow and already I am impressed with the mileage. Before, I was filling up (to the tune of $67) every 6 days or so. I’ve had the car a week and have a wee bit less than 3/4 of a tank. Here’s my new baby, the 2012 Volkswagen Passat TDI SE:

It’s been a bit harder than I thought to get used to driving a sedan again after driving a truck/SUV for five years. But I love it and am looking forward to saving money on gas. Also the TDI is a cleaner engine so that makes the tree hugger in me happy.

Two weeks ago my dear friend came to visit me. She’s a ninja so I will give her a pseudonym. How about Chloe? OK, so Chloe came to visit and I haven’t seen her in a few years. We had much to catch up on. We ate Mexican food three times in one weekend, plus Indian food once, fried food at Alamo Drafthouse and the kolaches for breakfast on Sunday. We DRANK, we saw a surprisingly good U2 tribute band, and met Canadian porn makers, as well as picking up a sweet new friend whose brother had left her at the bar. Chloe had to drive my drunk ass home two nights in a row, but she tried to kill some pedestrians as we were getting home. Chloe is my soul mate in our love for enchiladas and naps. It was so good to see her after so long.

I’m having dog drama again. Robbie went for his checkup this week, and he needs his teeth cleaned so we had to do a bunch of blood work. They called me the next day to say his thyroid levels are low and they wanted permission to run a more extensive test with the blood sample they had already taken. I’m still waiting to hear what this means. And all told with his exam, shots, blood work and dental cleaning, will end up costing me about $600. I love this dog but I’ll be glad when the medical drama is resolved and his teeth are cleaned for another year.

Only nine days until Bridget and I leave for Disneyworld. We are both so excited, we could pop. She plans for us to ride the Haunted Mansion and Pirates of the Caribbean 100 times each. I just need to figure out a suitcase option. As she gets older, it’s getting easier to travel alone with her, but when we go to Disney we come home with a ton more crap than we left with. I’m not bringing my laptop with me this time so that will make everything much easier. And I really do plan to buy much less stuff this time because we don’t need anything else. I expect we’ll buy a few stuffies but I will try to resist a shopping spree. So on that note, WHO WANTS MOUSE EARS?

Speaking of Bridget, she is still crawling into my bed at night. The problem is that she wakes up during the night to go to the bathroom and when she walks past my room, she decides it would be good to snuggle. I rarely wake up enough to send her packing. The thing is that I realized last night when she was with The EX, that I missed snuggling with her at night. This must be some form of Stockholm Syndrome. I have switched sides and now I sympathize with my captor. 

Why is it that I seem to do my best thinking in the car these days? It used to be the shower, but I guess I spend more time in the car since school started than I do in the shower. (That is to say it’s a long drive to Bridget’s school and back every day, not that I’m slacking on the personal hygiene. In case you were wondering.)

Today driving home from dropping Bridget off at school I realized what I’ve been unable to put my finger on for the past two years – the reason I can be so certain that I don’t want to get married again. Because people keep telling me that it’s just my hurt talking, that I’ll change my mind when I find the right person. Maybe I will. I won’t rule out the possibility, but I don’t think so.

The EX and I were disappointments to each other. We disappointed each other for a long time, in small ways every day and in big ways at the end. We had expectations of the other (realistic expectations or not) that were not being met. That kind of disappointment over such a long time erodes a relationship. All we could see in each other were the things we weren’t.

I never want to be such a disappointment to anyone ever again. And I never want to be that disappointed in anyone else ever again.

Over the weekend I drove to Dallas. A round trip drive to Dallas affords me six total hours in the car to do a lot of thinking. I was very much looking forward to the start of  this session of  Mondo Beyondo (which my amazing girlfriends got me for my birthday) and I got to thinking about what I wanted to get out of it and how my life could be better.

And I couldn’t come up with anything.

Could I be…. happy?

Yes, I am. There is nothing I want in my life that I don’t have really. Not in the grand scheme of things. I have my daughter, I have my family and I have awesome friends. My life is calm.

The only drama that remains usually has to do with The EX and co-parenting disagreements. When that business started, I was trying to be very honest with myself about whether my issues were just what I told myself they were, or if I was bitter and sad that he is getting remarried. Now that the anger from that situation has evaporated, I can honestly say that I don’t care about what is going on with his life. I don’t miss him. I don’t wish I was still married to him. My life is calmer now than it has been in a long time, even than it was when we were married.

I’m sure that my life can always get better, but I’m happy with how it is now. I’m not missing anything. There are no holes I am trying to fill. (Well, maybe one but I won’t talk about that because my DAD reads this. )

I’m definitely enjoying the first few days of Mondo Beyondo because I’ve always been a really practical person, not really given to dreaming or giving any validity to any dreams I do have. I look forward to stretching that part of my brain.

So for now? I’m good. Really. There’s nothing I need. Unless you have some cheesecake with you. I could really go for some cheesecake.