More Tough Conversations with Bridget
Posted by donna under Mommyhood | Permalink | | Leave A Comment | 8 Comments
This kid is trying to kill me with her big brain and is processing things way faster than I am ready for her to.
So tonight as I was putting her to bed, she asked me as always who was picking her up from school tomorrow. I told her that it would be Daddy. She got whiny about it saying she hadn’t been with me for very long, which is also normal. I told her that Daddy and I get to share time with her because we both love her so much.
The she said, “Well since you both love me so much, maybe you and Daddy should get married!”
blink blink blink
I said, “Well, Daddy and I used to be married but we aren’t anymore.”
This apparently blew her little mind, even though she knows from old photos that we all used to live together. It never dawned on me that she didn’t get that we had been married.
She said to me with wide eyes, “But when you get married you are just married forever.”
At this point in the conversation things started moving in slow motion for me. All I could hear in my head was “Don’t fuck this up. Don’t fuck this up. Don’t fuck this up.” How do I explain this to her? How can I tell her about the concept of divorce without planting a seed in her head that Daddy and GF might not be married forever (which I absolutely do NOT want to do)?
Then she reached up and tickled me and told me that I should get married so she can have a Step DaDa.
Thank you, dog, for that exit from the conversation. I swear sometimes that kid can read my mind. Maybe she could tell that I was not ready for this conversation and was letting me out of it easily. I have a rule that I will NEVER lie to her so I try to be honest with her about everything, but sometimes it’s a struggle to be honest and also keep things on the right level for her maturity. I also want to use the “you’re too young to understand right now” answer sparingly. Something tells me if she had pushed me on the topic, I would have had to pull it out tonight.
I swear, if a glass of wine weren’t four Weight Watchers points, I’d be drinking one right now.
9:37 pm, 17 January 2012
Lordy, I am so glad my son– maybe because he’s a boy– never gave any fucks about the details of such things. BUT I think you’re handling it with grace
9:37 pm, 17 January 2012
Ouch. That totally trumps Maddie asking us how babies get into mom’s tummies at dinner tonight.
9:38 pm, 17 January 2012
You did good!!!!! She is so lucky to have you, and SO LUCKY that you are not making her choose between you and her dad!!!!!!
9:46 pm, 17 January 2012
Holy shit. Makes you wish your kid was a total dumbass sometimes, doesn’t it? Would make life easier!
5:39 pm, 18 January 2012
Oh my…have I been in your shoes on this one. We have had several tough conversations similar to these with my stepson. Unfortunately I have had to do more than my fair share of explaining even though it isn’t my story to tell. Imagine my shock the day we had to tell him that no Mommy wasn’t coming to live with us when she gets out of the Navy. We have also had to answer why Daddy had to get married twice and why Mommy married another woman. These are all difficult topics to explain to a child who doesn’t have a real concept of marriage or divorce. You handled it as best you could. I don’t think it’s something you can prepare for even though you know these types of questions will one day come up. Good luck to you on this one in the future.
7:56 pm, 18 January 2012
You have THE hardest job in the world.
9:13 am, 19 January 2012
Beautifully handled, Donna! If my boys are anything to go by, you might need to be prepared for some major worries about death, and realizations that we’re all getting old, etc etc (they struck both of mine at around age 5). I remember having to explain to Michael that he doesn’t need to worry that a meteor will wipe us all out in the middle of the night, because scientists in Australia are awake and watching when the British scientists aren’t. Sort of true, right?
3:17 am, 20 January 2012
She is so smart! What a hard thing for you to hear her say.
And, 4 points?!