I’ve been feeling very sad lately and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why that is. It dawned on me today.
The EX’s brother is getting married this weekend. A huge family event. An event I was really excited about back when they got engaged. Betsy is going to be a flower girl. And I won’t be there for it. I’ve been ejected from that part of my family. I won’t even get to be there to see my daughter dressed up in her fancy dress, refusing to walk down the aisle, throwing her flowers around and enjoying being the center of attention on the dance floor as she rides the wave of a great wedding cake sugar high.
The other thing is that the EX’s birthday is this week. I still can’t get used to him not being part of me. I feel like there is something I need to be doing – shopping for gifts, planning dinner, the whole birthday works. But I don’t have any of those things to do. I suppose I should at least set Betsy down with some crayons to color him a card or something but… meh. I suppose I will because it’s the right thing to do.
So that’s where the sadness is coming from. It’s there. It’ll pass in a few days. I’m thankfully not going to be alone this weekend. It’ll be nice to have the distraction of an old friend here to do fun girly things with. Drinks, dinners out, chatting, planning our trip to Europe. Yes, those are the things that will get me through this weekend.
I sold my wedding ring and engagement ring today. I got about a tenth of its appraised value, but after much research, I learned that this is typical. You simply cannot get that much money out of re-selling your jewelry.
I know many of you disagree with my decision to sell the rings. But I have this to say for myself.
Betsy may WANT it one day, but she is not ENTITLED to it. It is, or was, mine. And that ring had nothing to do with her. That was a ring her father put on my finger years before she was ever even wished for. All that ring did was make me sad. I feel better knowing it’s out of my life.
But rest assured, Betsy will not be left with no mementos of her parents’ time together. I have a huge box of photos for her – from our courtship, engagement, wedding and married life. She will have our wedding album to look at (which contains photos of both of our wedding rings) and even a video of it somewhere. I do have jewelry that the EX gave me that she will get. He gave me a beautiful set of earrings, necklace and ring for Christmas when Betsy was five weeks old, and he wrote a beautiful card about how he felt about her and me and our time together and what those pieces symbolized for him. Of course I will save those for her. All of these things will be hers, should she want them. If not, they will be hers to dispose of. I am also keeping the china and crystal and silver, and all those fancy entertaining type pieces. I will be happy to let her have those one day if she wants them. If not, my feelings won’t be hurt.
So, it’s gone. I felt weird walking out of the store without it, but I wasn’t sad and I’m still not. I’m happy to have it gone, actually. One less thing to remind me of a broken promise.
