I’ve been feeling very sad lately and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why that is. It dawned on me today.
The EX’s brother is getting married this weekend. A huge family event. An event I was really excited about back when they got engaged. Betsy is going to be a flower girl. And I won’t be there for it. I’ve been ejected from that part of my family. I won’t even get to be there to see my daughter dressed up in her fancy dress, refusing to walk down the aisle, throwing her flowers around and enjoying being the center of attention on the dance floor as she rides the wave of a great wedding cake sugar high.
The other thing is that the EX’s birthday is this week. I still can’t get used to him not being part of me. I feel like there is something I need to be doing – shopping for gifts, planning dinner, the whole birthday works. But I don’t have any of those things to do. I suppose I should at least set Betsy down with some crayons to color him a card or something but… meh. I suppose I will because it’s the right thing to do.
So that’s where the sadness is coming from. It’s there. It’ll pass in a few days. I’m thankfully not going to be alone this weekend. It’ll be nice to have the distraction of an old friend here to do fun girly things with. Drinks, dinners out, chatting, planning our trip to Europe. Yes, those are the things that will get me through this weekend.